This Song Will Save Your Life | Review

4.78/5.00

Published: 2013

Genre: YA

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“‘Don’t be special.’ That’s what I would say to my younger self if I could pinpoint the moment when I went astray. But there was no one moment. I was always astray.”

Do you know what it’s like to feel completely alone? I don’t mean the kind of lonely shown in most YA books where our protagonist may not be popular but still has one or two close friends. I mean the kind of lonely where you have literally no one to talk to, no one who knows you. I mean the kind of lonely where the concept of just hanging out with friends still feels foreign even though you’re almost at the end of college. I mean the kind of lonely where you read books and watch TV shows like “Gilmore Girls” as study material for social interactions, taking mental notes because you never know what to say or how to say it. I mean the kind of lonely where you actively imagine yourself in these imaginary worlds in books because you have nothing going on in this world, because you have actual friends in these imaginings. I mean the kind of lonely where you feel like you’re drowning, and yes, even though you know other people around you are drowning too, they seem to at least have someone. I mean the kind of lonely where you aren’t exactly suicidal, but you don’t really have a problem dying. I mean the kind of lonely where you are desperate to have just one friend, any friend that you can hang out with and talk to.

I was that nerd, the one who spent more time with books than humans, the one who had not one person (fitting the criteria of human, non-related, and non-imaginary) who could be accurately called a friend. I had acquaintances, sure, but never a real friend, never a best friend. I was a weird kid who was never good at social interactions. People approached and talked to me occasionally, but first, I always suspected pity played a large part in it and second, I could never manage to nurture that into more than boring acquaintance. I never knew what to say or do. I didn’t want to be the boring guy—no one wants to be the boring guy—so I relied on sarcasm. I would gather tips from every source I could find—books, TV, magazines, overheard conversations—and test them out. I wasn’t bullied, at least no more than the usual weird kid. For the most part, I was just a bystander really, an extra in my own story, so replaceable that even the most devout fan wouldn’t notice if I got switched out for a tall, blonde guy in the next season. People didn’t bother to really mock me because they didn’t bother with me at all. I was Mr. Invisible.

“Sometimes people think they know you. They know a few facts about you, and they piece you together in a way that makes sense to them. And if you don’t know yourself very well, you might even believe that they are right.”

Even though this book is sappy and pretty much just okay on every other level, I feel that it shines in that it makes everything seem so realistic and relatable without making it ridiculously dramatic. It would have been incredibly easy to go overboard with this story, and while there are some rather dull moments, Sales handles the story with a good dose of realism. Can’t we all relate to not feeling like we are enough? Haven’t we all been there where we tried to modify ourselves through precise tweaks or massive upheavals because then that person might like us. In retrospect, it sounds weak. It sounds needy, clingy, and desperate. Maybe it is, but to a child, to a teenager who feels utterly alone, it doesn’t feel like that. You can say things will get better, but what does the future matter when that aching loneliness is present now? I’m still working on the loneliness thing, to get to where I need to be, to get to where Elise is by the end of the book, but it’s a work in progress.

This is an honest book about loneliness, and that is why I have to recommend it so strongly. It shows the reality better than anything else I have ever read. This turned out to be more of a personal rant from me than a book review, and I apologize for that. However, I picked up this book at a particularly lonely time. Also, it struck true for me. So, here we are.

I love Emily May’s review of this book. If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s what prompted me to pick up this book in the first place, and for that, I’m grateful. She says everything much better than I have here.

Leila Sales has written other YA books such as “Tonight the Streets are Ours.” Her next book, “If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say” is expected to come out in May.